JOHNNY CARSON BEATS CRONAN AT GASLIGHT THEATRE

If California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger would be allowed to run for president of the United States, candidates for vice president would be popping up as often as the mythic figures in Gaslight Theatre’s new show, “Cronan the Barbarian.”

Todd Thompson is standing tall as Cronan in this robust production at the eastside theater, giving the mighty strong man’s opening lines a definite Arnold accent. While that famous Teutonic tone does come and go during this adventure in melodrama, we are happy to wait for the inevitable: when Cronan faces the audience with determination and firmly announces “I’ll be back!

Quick-changing Mike Yarema gets the call to reveal his conflicted multiple personalities, donning new costumes as a pirate captain, a gladiator, a soldier, a Centaur, and a mighty Viking ominously named Bragdar the Horrendous (who would also make a terrific looking rock god of heavy metal).

Unfortunately, the plot isn’t served by finding something for this many characters to do. Instead of having Cronan start to look like Gulliver getting all tied up in knots by those Lilliputians, we wish Cronan could have battled one majestic villain in one glorious battle of Good vs Evil (with some pizza on the side).

With so many enemies dragging Cronan down, Zeena, the Amazon Warrior Princess (Katherine Byrnes) is happy to jump in as co-hero, splitting the responsibilities for dispensing with all those evil doers. Given their colorful costumes, these dispatched villains could still find work as worthy additions to the Village People.

Princess Persephone (Deborah Klingenfus) also gets in her kicks, siding with the good guys as an able-bodied member of royalty. Evil begins to feel omnipotent, though, when the wicked sorceress Vultura (Sarah Vanek) and her aptly named advisor Reptilian (David Orley) add more resources to the forces of Dark Side.

That’s when Zeena steps in to lead the show-stopping number “I Will Survive.”

Gaslight regulars will be happy to know this production written and directed by Peter Van Slyke has a strong disco feel. Not only in the song selection but also in the lights and dancing, the flashing strobes and running lights, stage smoke and ubiquitous mirror ball.

However, it is the Gaslight Theater olio that saves the show. These variety acts are tacked onto the end of every production. Sometimes the olio section has more cleverness and entertainment value than the “’real” show, even though the actors for both the main show and the olio are the same.

Showing his dapper side Yarema played Johnny Carson, wearing a wig of gray hair that would make Kenny Rogers proud. Upstaging Carson at every turn was the terminally avuncular Ed McMahon (Orley) with his own flattering hairpiece.

Best of Johnny’s special guests was Joe Cooper doing his inimitable Sonny Bono with Byrnes as the understated and extremely long-haired Cher. Worth more than an extra shout or two are Byrnes, Klingenfus and Vanek in the “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” number styled after the Andrew Sisters.

Pound for pound the olio played way above its weight class. “Cronan” was good enough, but the Johnny Carson spoof was exceptional.

Performances of “Cronan the Barbarian” are various times Tuesdays through Sundays at Gaslight Theatre, 7010 E. Broadway. Tickets are $17.95 adults; $15.95 students, military and seniors 60-plus; $7.95 children 12 and under. For details and reservations, 886-9428 or visit www.thegaslighttheatre.com